The Official 'Juice Bag' Story

WARNING: The following posting contains mildly offensive language. Reader discretion is advised...

I decided to name this blog after one of the funniest (and frustrating) moments from last year. I have told this story to many family and friends, some of whom encouraged me to write it down so I wouldn't forget it....hence this birth of this blog.

It all began during an activity some Grade 2 students were doing last year. Part of the activity involved having the students draw a picture of what they thought of, when listening to a particular song. One Grade 2 lad was colouring away, when he stopped, looked proudly at the man he just drew and proclaimed 'This guy is such a douche bag!", and then continued to draw.

The student-teacher in my room and I looked up and gave each other the 'Did I just hear that?, eyes'. I went closer to the student and asked him what he said. He repeated that his man was such a douche bag (confirming what I heard). I asked him what he thought that meant. He said, "You know, like a cool dude!" (Whew) Oh, ok - just a misunderstanding - great news! I told him that he indeed did draw a 'cool dude' and that that other word he said didn't really exist (a blatant teacher-lie on my part - but hey, this kid is 7).

Fast forward a couple of weeks. Unbeknownst to me, 'douche bag' was spreading like wildfire through the primary classes. A colleague of mine was away sick one day, when her supply teacher dropped off her Grade 1 class to my room. A normally difficult class, the kids must have had a field day with this poor guy - as they entered the room screaming and yelling, and he was gone, running down the hall faster than Usain Bolt, leaving no explanation for the chaos.

In they came, and right away one little guy starts screaming and pointing to Billy (the same 'I washed my clothes in the toilet' Billy from a few postings ago) accusing him of calling him a douche bag. Tears are flying and of course Billy is denying the whole thing. My lesson plan flies out the window at this point, and we all sit down for a class discussion of these 'not very nice words'. Apparently, in the last few weeks, the true meaning of 'le douche' had surfaced and was explained to me in full detail by the entire grade 1 class (and yes, they were on the right track!)

I went on to tell the entire class that calling someone a Douche Bag is not a nice thing to do - as those words are hurtful and shouldn't be used in school. I also said that I definitely did not want to hear those words again in my class.

All in agreement, we started the class. All was well for about four minutes before I heard "Mrs. M., Mrs. M., Billy called me a douche bag again!!!" being screamed from across the room. Followed by even louder howls of "I DID NOT CALL YOU A DOUCHE BAG......I CALLED YOU A FOOSH BAG" from Billy. So, I then proceed to talk to the class about how it isn't polite to call someone words that even RHYME with douche bag and (with me slowly starting to lose it) said that if I heard any more nonsense about it, they would have to talk to me about it at recess ( a punishment comparable to torture for Grade 1 students - they LOVE recess!)

By this time, there are only minutes left until the end of class, and I have come to terms that today's lesson was a total flop. Billy remains fairly well behaved for those last few moments, and no other rumblings of Douche Bags or Foosh Bags can be heard.

At the end of class, the group is lined up ready to go, when their supply teacher arrives to pick them up. On the way out, in the quietest voice ever, I see and hear Billy leave his spot in line, find his 'victim' again and mutter under his breath as they left the room 'YOU JUICE BAG!".

I didn't know whether to laugh out loud hysterically or cry in frustration. I decided to laugh, (once they had all left) and realized that I was totally out-smarted by this 7 year old. He 'waited' until he was out of my room to give the final zinger, knowing he'd get in trouble if he said it again in my class!

This story does continue, as there was follow-through concerning his language/behaviour (as apparently, it wasn't happening just in my room) but I won't go into details about that - as it's definitely not as entertaining as the story itself.

I couldn't have thought of a more ridiculous name for a blog about (hopefully and somewhat) entertaining teacher-tales!

M.

P.S. The 'Douche Bag', 'Foosh Bag' and 'Juice Bag' terms have fortunately 'retired' from the vocabulary of the little ones at our school......for the time being! :)